Letting go . . .

Is something we all need to do at various stages in life  yet we often find the process of 'letting go' a real challenge. However, if we don't 'let go' of certain things in life we cannot move on; we become trapped like the fly caught in the spider's web; we allow co-dependency to control us so we never  discover that all we need in life is within us. We continue to blame life, the past, others, as well as what life presents us with instead of 'letting go' and being free to move on.


American author, motivational speaker and philanthropist, Steve Maraboli sums it up beautifully in his book "Life, the Truth and Being Free' when he states - “The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let go.” Something I have been learning to do all my life.


From 'letting go' my dream of going to university when my father decided I must become a hairdresser because if I had a good trade I would never go without, to 'letting go' the fact that in my innocence when I married my ex-husband I would be able to change him - it took a while before I learnt that only we can change ourselves. One by one I had to learn to 'let go' of my children so that they could make their own journey in life. I had to learn that, as I had,  they had to make their own mistakes, fight their own battles and become who they wanted to be not what I wanted them to be.


As a loving parent I did the best I could with the 'tools' I had at the time but I couldn't always protect them from life, they had to learn to protect themselves and to grow and become the wonderful adults they now are. I also had to realise I couldn't hold on to them or live my life through my children or grandchildren. Avoiding the issue by constantly filling my life with 'doing' or looking every where other than myself meant I wasn't allowing myself to 'let go' and so depend on myself and my own inner strengths. 


Day by day I learn that when I do 'let go' I am free to move on and in doing so "All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well," as the mystic, Julian of Norwich wrote. This was my mantra when Chris died as I learnt to slowly 'let go' knowing deep down  that in time 'all would be well.'


Buddhists philosophy speaks of letting go of our desires - our craving or perceived need for something - for desire brings suffering. Letting go and desiring less brings a greater contentment to life and as I grow older I find this to be an essential truth. So I am working hard on the de-cluttering process in my home (to my kids delight!) even letting go of some of my precious books and the many 'things' I have collected or been given over the years. 


Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor  and philosopher, wrote - 'Men (or women-my addition) seek out retreats for them selves, cottages in the country, lonely seashores and mountains. Thou too art disposed to hanker greatly after such things: and yet all this is the very commonest stupidity; for it is in they power, whenever thou wilt, to retire into thyself: and nowhere is there any place whereto a man (or a woman) may retire quieter and more freely. . . than his (her) own soul.'

By 'letting go' we allow ourselves to move onward
and so fulfil our destiny on the journey of life

The process of 'letting go' can be extremely powerful and healing especially if incorporated in a ritual or ceremony. For example, writing down what you want to 'let go' of and then ritually burning the paper in a safe way, or verbalising it and casting your words into the wind, or silently saying the words and symbolising the 'letting go' by casting a flower or leaf upon the waters. Such a ritual had a powerful effect on my youngest son, Kent, and I some years ago and this has made a big difference to our ability to the ongoing process of 'letting go' whenever we still need to.

When I was going through a time of deep grief after my Chris died and learning to 'let go' in a major way I wrote this poem and it seems a positive note to end on today.

            Our Book of Life

Life is a book with it’s pages blank

on which we write our own special story.

What we write depends on us,

the way we live and how we react

to all the pain and the glory.

We can embrace life, live life to the full.

We can soak up it’s beauty, learn all we can.

We can challenge ourselves to grow and develop,

or we can stand still cocooned behind walls, brittle as glass.

We can live behind masks, decayed in the spirit,

with hearts bitter and heavy, entombed in our past,

Barren in love, shadowed in hate.

We each have a choice in the paths that we take,

in the chapters we write, in the way that we live.

We each have the answer inside deep within us,

if only we listen

if only we listen.

In silence comes the answer, so clear and so true

just unlock the light and let it shine through.

Let that still inner voice, so real and so true,

bring the peace you so desire

knowing that Love is always

there, deep in your heart forever

If only you let go.

Wanda Brittain ©