In the midst of life . . .

As the years gather speed, I realise more and more that death is an ever constant companion on the journey - of course death has always been there but when you are young, with a life time before you death is not something you think too too much about. The young are too busy living life to the full - they are immortal - and then we are all so busy working, caring for our families, or filling our lives with all the things that we encompass in our modern lives.


Death happens, we all get together at the funeral saying "we must make time to meet before another funeral comes along" but somehow life over takes us like a speeding train running out of control. It is when life's speeding train starts to slow down as our bodies do that we realise our 'clock of life' is also going to stop one day.

On Saturday, when I went along for a game of croquet, I heard the news that one of our friends had died. Toby was a truly inspirational and courageous human being. He will be sorely missed but every time my friends and I play croquet in Te Aroha Domain we will remember him. 


Today is the 18th. anniversary of my beloved Chris's death. With each passing year I have come to learn that love is eternal, that Chris really is my soulmate and that life does go on even when we have been torn asunder. I have learnt that love is the bridge, that I can make something of my life without Chris because of what I had with him in life and that every moment we live counts.

I am blessed in so many different ways with my beautiful family, a lovely home and cherished memories.

I have learnt to live the life I choose with friends I choose to share time with and to avoid anything that will disturb the balance of my life. Most of all I continue to learn that love is everything and to show it wherever I can because love in all it's aspects is what truly what gives meaning to my life. 

“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”  Shakespeare

In memory of Chris, and to Toby as he begins his new journey, I share this poem I wrote after Chris died.

In Autumn’s splendour you were called away

When the russet red leaves danced in glorious display.

Your spirit so strong and independent has gone to rest,

And we who mourn your passing know it’s really for the best.

It made us sad to see you suffer across the passing years,

Now you are freed from pain and grief and we are left in tears.

But through our tears, we know your love is always here,

Healing our hearts with memories so tender and so dear.

Every blessing go with you, as you journey to that other land

Where we can neither follow or take you by the hand.

Our love is with you always, as yours is forever in our heart.

Your life on earth is finished but a new one is about to start.

No matter where you go, no matter that we can’t follow

In love with are united as well as in our mutual sorrow

Past hurts will be forgiven, as a new day dawns today

Your spirit is now free, so let go and fly, fly, fly away.

Celebrating Birthdays

I grew up with a family tradition where birthdays were a real occasion for celebration and I carried this on with my family. This month our family has two birthdays to celebrate, one was celebrating the eighth  birthday of my youngest grandson, Mitchell, (seen in the photo with his Dad, my son Grant, and his Grandpa Charles.)

It seems only yesterday that Mitch was a baby - now he's a fine young boy who loves, rugby, soccer, fishing and Reece Marstin. Where does the time go - it seems only yesterday that his father was turning eight!


Mitchell's previous birthdays have been celebrated with a party but now he's growing up his Dad decided on something a bit different to celebrate his special day and asked Mitchell if he'd like to go to the Warrior's game last Saturday and Mitchell was wrapped! They had a ball and certainly celebrated in style the way that families do.


The coming birthday we are celebrating is for my second oldest grandson, Beau, who will be twenty one and that's going to be a real family and close friends affair with all the traditional trimmings. Taking a lead from the Roman playwright Titus Maccius Plautus who said - "Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words" we will make the occasion an unforgettable one for Beau. Following the 'ancient' traditions my daughter has acquired the obligatory male ritual twenty first symbol - a yard glass - (what would we do without Trademe?) and of course there is the traditional 'key' to the door, (however it will be in a more modern format as with most young adults Beau has been independent for many years and had a key long ago) the cake, presents and much more.

It will be a time for speeches, looking back over the twenty one years and celebrating Beau who we love so much. How fast the years have passed - one minute he was a newborn baby who had to spend some time in an incubator but who being the little fighter he was he took that in his stride and went on to steal our hearts and our love. Now he stands on the threshold of his adult life with all the potential that life offers with all it's choices, decisions, hopes, dreams, responsibilities, frustrations, expectations, sorrow, joy and happiness.

Beau you have your life before you

To make of it what you will

Learn all you can from life's experiences

Be kind to your fellow travellers

You will meet along the way

Listen and hear what they have to say

It might come in handy one day

I wish you much laughter, joy and fulfillment

As you journey on through life

May you follow your heart and find your bliss

Know what it is to be truly contented

And to be brave enough to follow a dream

No matter how crazy, fanciful or extreme

Always  look for the good in others

Always value all that is good in yourself

Be proud of who you are, of what you achieve

Knowing you can create the life you dream of

Because of your inner belief in yourself

I wish you lasting love, the best of health

Much happiness and comfortable wealth

Yes, birthdays are to be celebrated, for from the day we come into the world we make our mark on life. We have the potential to make a difference, to give and receive love, to change things for the better and to leave the world a better place and add a richness to the lives of those we leave behind. Each year that passes is precious, this is not a rehearsal - so take heed for as Abraham Lincoln so wisely said  "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

Moments of Bliss

Today was a glorious day. A day full of those blissful moments when nature shines in all her autumn beauty and I can delight in life's simple pleasures.


It was a day to celebrate life. A day to appreciate the simple joys of my family and friends. Of enjoying my garden and having a great game of croquet with my friend Mary, in the Domain under mount Te Aroha.


With all the news of war and killing, of famine and poverty overseas and all political posturing in this country it is good to take a step back and focus on the moment and just enjoy the beauty of the rich colours pf the autumn leaves, of late blooming roses, of fruit picked from the trees and vegetables from the garden.


I really enjoy the simple pleasures such as making crab apple or rose hip jelly, homemade soups and chocolate muffins of smelling fresh mown grass and autumn bonfires; of hearing the tuis in my kowhai tree or the incoming ducks to the nearby wetlands with the duck shooting season upon us again - how do they know when it's that time of year again?


Yes, on a day like today that began with a crisp chilly morning, then blossomed into clear blue skies, warm sun a gentle breeze I enjoyed moments of sheer bliss at being alive. 


Today was a 'Carpe diem' day when I could seize the day, enjoy the moment.and give thanks for moments of bliss and simple pleasures.

Life is all a matter of choice

If we have nothing else in life we always have
a choice of how we live, what direction we take in life
and how we react to what life presents us with

Beside the gift of having a capacity to love one another, one of the other most precious things we have is the gift of 'choice' - of choosing how we live and how we react to what life presents us with. 'Life is the sum of all your choices,' said French writer, Albert Camus and how true that is.

I have come to realise that one of the most important thing in life for me in making the choices I do, is to follow my instincts and my heart.It is all about knowing when to stand up for my rights, values or principles and when to let-go or when to walk away from a situation. 


The Desiderata (by lawyer Max Ehrmann) says - 'As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. This is certainly a philosophy I try to follow now that I am enjoying the autumn years of my life. Life is now all about a more gentle, peaceful journey; of lessening the stress and enjoying the moment. Life is about crossing those bridges we are constantly presented with on our journey however, as David Russell the Scottish classical Guitarist (b.1942) said 'The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.'  


I certainly haven't always made the right choices but whenever I reached an important crossroad in my life I have followed my instincts, my heart and the choices I made have all shaped me to become the person I now am. I am content with those choices and so glad I had the courage to make them.


Being true to myself was something I was constantly encouraged to be in my formative years and it is as important to me now as it was then.


Life is a precious gift. Choice is a special gift. Both are to be celebrated every moment and these words by Mother Teresa say it all for this is not a rehearsal - Life is to be lived now and the choices we make shape our lives and who we are.

In Memory Of

George Bernard Shaw said, "We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." On this day - ANZAC Day - we remember all those who were lost in the first, second and subsequent wars and today I remember the father who gave me life but who I never knew because he was killed before I was born.


I don't know his name or anything about him except that he was a Scot who was in the RAF and was killed in the second world war.


The father who adopted me was a pacifist and I have always believed in the utter futility of war. Yet wars are still being fought and men, women and children still die because of wars. 


Will we ever learn? Those who start wars have obviously never read Otto von Bismarck's words - 'Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war.'


So today I remember the father I never knew and thank him for giving me life and forever being a part of me, for of course he lives on in me - in my DNA, my characteristics and in who I am. He also lives on in my children and grandsons and we remember him - we remember him.


There is a wonderful poem by John Gillespie Magee Jnr. entitled 'High Flight' and I include it in memory of my unknown father.

‘High Flight’

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Some years ago I had a trip to Italy and visited Monte Cassino where so many brave men died. All those pristine white headstones stretching as far as the eye could see - so many broken hearts, broken lives, so much pain and so much grief lay entombed among the graves.

I was born in the war but can only remember the sound of the air raid warning and having to hide under the stairs. I pray that one day mankind learns the way towards a peaceful existence but in memory of all who have died through the countless wars mankind has raged throughout the centuries, and especially the Great War this poem says it all. However, may the 'torch' that was passed on be to light the way to peace not war.

In Flanders Fields

by John McCrae, May 1915 - The Canadian military doctor and artillery commander

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

We Shall Remember Them